can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
