just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
