dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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