Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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