Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
