If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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