if i can run in heels then i can drive
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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