is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize