If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
