I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
