this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
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He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
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You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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