You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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