I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
