So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
