you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
