We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
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drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
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I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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