Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
