I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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