It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize