he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize