just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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