Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.