OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.