You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.