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when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
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