Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
