I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
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theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
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The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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