party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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