sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
