he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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