we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
