Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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