Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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