And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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