Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
