plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
