Can i not drive my cunt home
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
The beer is more important than you right now.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
