five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
