doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
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And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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