I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
