My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
