Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
