why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
