If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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