Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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