I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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