I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
