i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
