Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
