Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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