im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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