then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
