Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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