Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Randomize
