Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have feelings that need drinking.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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