hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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