I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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