remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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