Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
