just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
she smelled like a LAN party
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
